First Time he Smiled
by chalewhale
Summary: Break's sulking outside, having been not too long since he was taken in by the Rainsworths, and Shelly's too sick to keep him company. Although he doens't mind the solitude, Sharon thinks its a good idea to go bother him.


Kevin, or Break, as he was referred to now, leaned against a tree in the Rainsworth garden, hands behind his back and gaze drifting off absently in some direction or another. It was a nice day outside, getting a little warmer as the spring was beginning its transition into summer. Flowers bloomed, trees shone a vibrant shade of green, and both birds and insects were busy going about their own tasks. All this he saw with a cold sort of calculation, seeing but not really noticing any of it, lost among the own nothingness of his thoughts. After all, it had been only a few months since arriving here, and not a moment went by when he wasn't plagued by dark reflections of his mind. This particularly nice day was no exception.

It had been a little over a month ago, or possibly more since time was irrelevant now, that Lady Shelly had began taking him out during the day. He hadn't wanted to, at first, as there was no purpose in such a thing, and he would have preferred to sit up in his room than be around people, but she had insisted. After taking him in, it was the least he could do. Another duty, something more to do, nothing more. However, after a few weeks, it became something he looked forward to, going out to the garden. Something about watching things that were alive, whether it be a tree or an animal, fascinated him. Perhaps it was the idea that even after everything he had done, the world still moved on, that there was still life somewhere out there, just not in him. He was empty, the world outside of himself seemed full, so maybe that's what had him so fixated. That had been, no doubt, Lady Shelly's plan from the very beginning, and part of him was far too stubborn to admit that it was working. So he didn't.

Over the last few days, she had been growing increasingly ill. Not that he would request to see her or anything foolish like that, but even if he did, he doubted he would be allowed to visit. Part of him thought it was completely deserved, if she was stupid enough to be kind to someone like him, it was no wonder she was sickly. However, it was more than that; he was concerned about her wellbeing. The people around him were all idiots, smiling at him, being considerate, Lady Shelly included, but yet, he couldn't help but worry. It must have been a selfish thing, if something happened to her there would be no one to ensure his safety, but considering he didn't care what happened to him, that argument fell through rather quickly. Anyway, besides all that, with her ill, he was out here entirely by himself. Not that it was a bad thing either, but he had started growing accustom to having company.

It was… perhaps a little bit lonely, being here by himself.

The solitude was not to last though, as he soon heard someone shouting, the volume growing louder, telling him that this someone was running towards him. The voice was that of a young girl, one he had also grown accustom to over the past little while. He couldn't make out what she said, but there was no doubt in his mind as to what she was yelling.

"Xerx-nii!" He could see her now, running over one of the grassy hills, doing what she could to hold her skirts up as she made her way towards him. Little Miss Sharon, was her name. Another one of the idiots, a naïve little child who had no business being around him at all. Her enthusiasm, as she appeared to have taken quite the fancy to him, was uncomfortable to say the least. He was no good with children before, and the fact that Lady Shelly allowed her daughter to be so close to him was absurd. He was a cold-hearted killer, a monster, and he had no business being around someone like that, someone so happy and naïve. Her smiles and giggles didn't annoy him nearly as much as they once had, perhaps that was because she too was alive when he was not, but it was of little consequence now. Seemed he was going to have to spend the afternoon with her instead.

Instead of replying, Break looked down at her, just so she was aware that she had caught his attention but had no interest in engaging in any sort of conversation with her. That obviously wasn't going to deter her in any way, but it was worth a try.

"Xerx-nii," out of breath, she took a moment to compose herself, sitting down on the grass beside him, "I ran…all this way…because I have to…give you something."

"Oh?" What a ridiculous girl, for goodness sakes.

"Just give me…a moment." She panted, making more of a show than necessary of leaning her head against the tree with a sigh. Sharon was naïve and stupid for sure, but even someone as heartless as him couldn't deny the charm she had as well, she really was cute. She was just wasting that on him, utter and complete foolishness. She should save her smiling face and affections for someone different, he wanted none of it.

But he did, somewhere deep down, he just wasn't completely aware of it.

Once again, he didn't respond. It wasn't good to encourage her, after all. Lady Shelly was stupid and could fully be responsible for it; Miss Sharon was a child and couldn't be. She was young and vulnerable and he was far too dangerous for her to be getting attached to. Children were fickle anyway, so whatever.

A moment of silence passed between them. Sharon's breathing soon calmed to a more acceptable rate, and Break's gaze drifted back to somewhere far over in the distance. If this was all there was to it, then it was fine having her around. However, he knew better, and any second now-

Standing, Sharon put her hands on her hips, a determined yet joyful expression on her face. "Alriiigght, Xerx-nii, you have to sit on the ground."

"Why?"

"Becauuseee," she whined, tugging on his hand and successfully getting him to sit, "you need toooo."

There had been a time when he hadn't allowed anyone close to him, much less letting someone touch him, but it seemed Sharon have been granted permission to do so. When he let her do such things, he didn't know, but the idea seemed foreign to him. Whatever, like he really cared.

"Okay, close your eyes!" Singing her words, Sharon waited until he had done as she asked before doing whatever it was she was attempting to do. A complete pain, having to go along with her like this, but since he didn't care about anything anymore, it would have been far more work not to comply with her than it was so go along with it, so whatever. The less effort he had to put out the better.

He felt something lowered on his head, a ring of some sort? How ridiculous. So that's why she needed him to sit down, because he was so much taller than her? Made sense, he supposed. Sharon's tiny fingers then went to work, patting down whatever it was she had put on his head, her movements determined and not at all gentle. After another moment of this, she stopped, apparently backing up before doing anything else. "There, you can open your eyes nooww~!"

With a frown, Break stared up at her, completely confused as to what she wanted. "I can't see it."

"Oh, right, of course!" Turning a light shade of pink, she giggled to herself, obviously a little embarrassed about the fact that she hadn't thought of that little fact before. So forsaking her previous work, she reached over his head once more, removing whatever it was she had given him and holding it obnoxiously close to his face. "Can you see it now?"

Was that… Ah, yes, that was a flower crown, wasn't it? Crumpled and falling apart, he assumed she had somehow stuffed in a pocket or something so he wouldn't see it, but a crown nonetheless.

Suddenly he didn't know whether he felt like crying or not. It was stupid, completely and entirely, but Emily used to do that. She used to make him silly little flower crowns and tie them into his hair, just like Sharon was doing now, whether she realized it or not. But that was something Emily would do and now she couldn't anymore because of what he did to her and now Sharon was smiling at him expecting him to be happy about it and he just didn't know how to respond.

But then he did. Emily was gone, and he, in all regards, was dead and gone as well. Yet here Sharon was, smiling and so very much alive he didn't understand it. She looked at him as if he was as alive as she was, as if he could feel and smile and care and all sorts of other stuff that he had no business doing. And couldn't he?

Sharon's smile withered when he didn't say anything. "Don't you like it, Xerx-nii?"

Looking at her, this ridiculous little girl who was standing there exactly like Emily, he smiled. For the first time in who knew how long, he felt some of the darkness in his heart and mind clear, and he allowed himself to smile. Nothing more than a faint grin, of course, but one that came from his very core.

"I love it." Voice soft, he allowed Sharon another moment to blush and turn pink before she placed the crown back on his head.

Perhaps he was kidding himself, and he wasn't nearly as alive as Sharon made him feel in that moment, but if he could get a flower crown as Break, maybe he could live as him too. Completely ridiculous thinking that didn't make any sense at all, but Sharon's smile and that silly little flower crown had managed to give him hope. Someday, however far in the future it would be, perhaps he too could learn how to live again. How to feel and care and everything else that seemed so impossible for him now. It was the first time he had felt that since arriving here, the first time he dared to think that there could actually be a life beyond everything he had become, and it had been a little girl and her flowers that had granted him that. Surely he was as stupid as the rest of them were, but to him, he had experienced a miracle today.

He had smiled, and just moments ago he would never be capable of doing that again.


End file.
